my own art...whatever that is...
things have been in such an uproar lately. i have realized that in order for the space to continue i must sacrifice to the infrastructure.
i had gone to school to train myself as an artist, but it seems that this space needs someone who loves art, but who will put the space first.
i cannot produce anything right now. all of my energy is used to work on our bookshop or the space. is art a luxury? why did i have the ideal that i could exist in a world entirely for art. the whole reason i went to artschool in the first place was to become a teacher, but i could not handle the commute from venice and the three part time jobs. i have taught art and poetry before and that was one of my most challenging but rewarding things to have participated in. i also took out the trash and answered the phones...that is how non-profit arts organizations work at the smaller level. perhaps they are more like a business in that sense.
my world is filled now with booking and cleaning and just trying to keep it together. i do not think i am very successful at it, but it is not a life that most people want to lead.
i think when i am very old i may write or make something great. but i feel more secure than ever that i am not destined for greatness...i am happy unknown. i think i have been given an opportunity to do something with this space that i could not do as an artist. as i learn more about hosting shows and the business of sustaining the space i can actually do something for the community. i was not strong enough to do it before. i tried, but i did not have the experience or knowledge. i still know very little, but what i do know can be built on.
i am scared a little because i feel like my life just began this moment. but if monks can light themselves on fire and burn to death to protest violence, if people are capable of such great acts...i must be able to train myself to be stronger. i will try to cultivate balance in my life for the sake of this space. right now it seems the most hopeful place for positive change - for me to stumble and learn - and for a more active community of people to form.
i am cursed with idealism, and am very faulty, but i do hope that this can be something great i am a part of.
i cannot help but make art, but with our first visiting artist officially installed all over the walls, i am eager to fill the space with others work.
this space is my work now.
i had gone to school to train myself as an artist, but it seems that this space needs someone who loves art, but who will put the space first.
i cannot produce anything right now. all of my energy is used to work on our bookshop or the space. is art a luxury? why did i have the ideal that i could exist in a world entirely for art. the whole reason i went to artschool in the first place was to become a teacher, but i could not handle the commute from venice and the three part time jobs. i have taught art and poetry before and that was one of my most challenging but rewarding things to have participated in. i also took out the trash and answered the phones...that is how non-profit arts organizations work at the smaller level. perhaps they are more like a business in that sense.
my world is filled now with booking and cleaning and just trying to keep it together. i do not think i am very successful at it, but it is not a life that most people want to lead.
i think when i am very old i may write or make something great. but i feel more secure than ever that i am not destined for greatness...i am happy unknown. i think i have been given an opportunity to do something with this space that i could not do as an artist. as i learn more about hosting shows and the business of sustaining the space i can actually do something for the community. i was not strong enough to do it before. i tried, but i did not have the experience or knowledge. i still know very little, but what i do know can be built on.
i am scared a little because i feel like my life just began this moment. but if monks can light themselves on fire and burn to death to protest violence, if people are capable of such great acts...i must be able to train myself to be stronger. i will try to cultivate balance in my life for the sake of this space. right now it seems the most hopeful place for positive change - for me to stumble and learn - and for a more active community of people to form.
i am cursed with idealism, and am very faulty, but i do hope that this can be something great i am a part of.
i cannot help but make art, but with our first visiting artist officially installed all over the walls, i am eager to fill the space with others work.
this space is my work now.
posted by polychrome at 12:40 AM
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